A Good Ol Update

  Hello everyone, welcome back if you have been here before and welcome to all the first timers to the page. This blog is to take you through my journey of growth and self development to improve myself as a husband and as a man in general. Last post I talked about how the wife and I had started doing certain things such as eating better, working out more, and just doing more things to pick eachother up and help us grow a stronger bond with each other. Today though, I thought I would talk about commitment. A lot of things in life come with commitment, a lot of the better things in life especially. Because when you commit yourself to something, it is the only thing that fuels your ambition. It makes you want to continue to grow. That’s why I have committed myself to my wife, it is why I have committed myself to working out and getting in better shape. As I continue down this journey of improving myself to build up the other aspects of my life, I hope to have you follow me. I hope that all who read this find this blog as a way to help with your daily lives. I hope you read what I am doing and learn from the mistakes I have made so that when the time comes for you to commit yourself to something. That you do it with such determination that no one will take you down. Because we are all unique in our own way. Keep being your own unique person.

A Read For The Better

  

 Hello readers, if you have read the previous blogs welcome back, and if you are new to the blog, thank you and welcome here. As previously talked about I am taking you on a journey of personal self-development, and healing in my marriage. Together we have learned that the more we do together, the stronger our bond becomes. With that being said we have started working out together, which has been quite a challenge because sometimes after getting home from work we just feel too exhausted to go, but to see results we know that putting in the work is a key part. We have also started praising each other for one thing that we had done during the day, because who doesn’t feel good after being told they did amazing in a situation that their significant other actually noticed! We also have been eating better food for us, which has helped us start losing weight, and give us healthier gut bacteria! Going to a more personal level, I have started listening to audiobooks instead of music. My goal by doing this is to improve my ability to actively listen and increase my vocabulary, so far it has helped slightly, which is still a step in the right direction. I have started holding myself to a higher standard of cleanliness in the household so my wife doesn’t feel like she is the one doing all the work around the house, which helps her be less stressed which is a HUGE plus for our relationship. If you are someone who might be struggling in their relationship, or has done something that they probably regret. It is not too late for your partner and yourself to pick up the pieces and continue along in your journey together. It is not too late for you to personally change yourself for the better, it is a humbling experience if you have put yourself there, but once all is said and done then you will understand how it is worth it. Again thank you for being here and reading my blog, and remember that you are appreciated and that you are able to do anything as long as you have the drive to achieve it.

The Day My Life Changed

    My wife and I had been married for around a month, and she had just moved into the house that I was living in before she discovered what had happened. The day my wife discovered that I had cheated on her started out as a normal day. I went to work and she was still looking for a job while being at home just cleaning it and keeping it organized. As work went on a buddy of mine asked if I could give him a ride to the airport. During the drive I got a phone call from my wife asking whose name was on a piece of paper she had found, hearing this my heart dropped into my stomach and my throat kind of tightened up and I wasn’t able to talk on the phone.Driving home my mind was racing, because I had been lying to her for so long that I didn’t know what to do now that I have been caught. I thought about how I could keep lying, but I knew it was time to stop. After arriving home I found that my wife was not there. I called her quite a few times before she finally called me and told me where she was and that she had gone for a walk to clear her head, and of course to cry a bit. I picked her up and when we got home I told her everything that happened. After telling her everything I will never forget her reaction, the amount of tears yet calmness in our conversation. After that conversation and for a week she stayed at a family-friends house until deciding to come back to the house where I lived. After moving back in with me, she slept on the couch and I slept on the bed even though I tried to get her to switch with me, she wouldn’t, by the way our house was a 400 square feet studio. After a week of that, she made up her mind to forgive me and stay with me, but that came as a joyous shock to me because I was ready for her to leave and not turn back. After forgiving me and coming back home she said we needed to do marriage counseling which I humbly and joyfully agreed to. Before we started counseling though I had already started doing daily devotionals with my Bible, because it is a step for me to become a better man. Devotionals are a great step for any Christian to get closer to God, because you can find a devotional that covers any topic you need. Now, after taking initiative and starting to grow myself from being a broken man, we started counseling. Our first meeting went great for the both of us because it gave us someone that knew what to ask us and help us continue on the path we had chosen. During the meeting our counselor asked us to rate our marriage from 1-10 and of course our numbers were quite low. She was a 1, and I was a 4 but he understood and gave us homework to do as a couple, our homework was to sit facing each other, holding hands for 10 minutes without talking. It was actually one of the hardest things to do because we wanted to say something, but for a quiet 10 minutes it was very refreshing. We met with the counselor once a week for a few weeks up until the counselor told us that we should see how we do if we take a week off,  and during that time my wife had gotten a job and we were beginning to move a few hours from where we had been living. With all that going on you can only imagine the stress that it was for the both of us trying to mend our marriage and go into full move out mode. After moving to our new place it was a great fresh start for the both of us and it helped us move on to another step in rebuilding our marriage by creating new memories to replace our old ones. That brings us to the present and that’s when I decided that people need to hear my story and see healing is possible mentally and physically, and I am going to take you on this journey with me.

The Beginning

 It all started about four and a half years ago when my wife and I started dating. We were still kids at 18 years old, and still trying to figure ourselves out. We were both ready to end high school and head to college to continue our lives, but the hardest problem was that the next part of our lives would separate us from one side of the U.S. to the other. Like the kids we were, we chose to stay together while living so far apart from each other. What we realized was that from work to school, our long distance relationship was the hardest of all to keep solid. We started fighting more often, breaking up just to get back together, and almost everything that could bring each other down and then back up. After the hard times of that 1st semester with school, work and sports just overwhelming me I dropped out of college and came back home and started working just to have a paycheck while my girlfriend (now wife) was in school still chasing her dreams and going forward. Now after awhile of working and trying to figure myself out still going from dead end job to dead end job I decided to join the military. I know, big surprise, I did what all people joke about doing because they have nowhere to go, but for some reason I knew that it was the right decision for my life and career choice. Now at this point my girlfriend and I have worked out our quirks and we were really comfortable with where we were at as a couple and continued to stay together through it all. After boot camp we got to spend some time together, but the hardest thing was that my girlfriend had just applied and got accepted to study abroad in Australia. After she left for Australia it became almost impossible to talk to each other with her class schedule and my work schedule. At this point, we are again growing distant from each other and our relationship was honestly just crumbling down, and in a moment of weakness I reached out to a woman to have a talk with. Now just because this woman and I didn’t sleep together, I still kept it from my girlfriend and that was wrong. Well until my girlfriend and I got married, I had met with this woman around 3 times. After we got married I was hoping that it would all go away. I had cut ties with this woman, but there are certain things that always come up, and one of those is the truth. Unfortunately, I didn’t tell my wife, she discovered it and I had to confess everything to her and we found out that we didn’t know each other as well as we thought because I had just done the worst thing someone could do to their significant other. And after about a month or more of confessing and apologizing, my wife chose to forgive me and said we could still rebuild our marriage. Now as a man in a marriage under construction, my role was and is to become a better man both mentally and physically. So now, present day us, we are still rebuilding our marriage and I have been growing as a man and learning things I can do to become a better person for me and my wife; whether that be devotional in the morning or evening or talking to more mature men about what to do. From beginning to now, even with all the bumps and heart aches in between I am happy and proud to have a second chance with my wife. Her heart and feelings will always be on my mind and my self development will always be in my eyes. Along this journey that I am on, I hope to achieve mental and physical improvement while building my marriage back up from where it has plummeted.